I’m jealous. I’m jealous of all the knitter/bloggers with beautiful pictures on their blogs of the outdoors, of their adorable children playing in the wide open spaces… These lucky folks live where there is room to store yarn stashes and learn to dye, and where their children can run around outside where they aren’t bugging their mom about how bored they are!
I live in a dingy, dreary, bleeping small apartment (I exaggerate, but only slightly), and I just don’t belong here. I belong on a farm, or by the ocean- anywhere that isn’t surrounded by cement. I love the sound of crickets, and hate the sound of cars! I want to smell dew on the grass in the morning, instead of my neighbor’s first joint of the day. I just feel soooo out of place here!
I’m not here by choice… I just kinda got dropped here, and I can’t seem to get out. Life got flipped upside down when my husband and I separated a few years ago. We’re back together again (hence the 2nd child) but now he works a minimum wage job, while I work from home and take care of the kids (and pay all the bills and rent etc- okay, i’m a bit bitter). He has no intention of getting a better job- his job is easy, and he can walk to it, so he’s happy. But I don’t want to go out and work 12 hour days and never see my kids, and even if I did, I’d probably have to stay in the suburbs.
I don’t want much- indoor plumbing is as fancy as I get. I just want a little piece of land that I can call my own, where I can own a dog and sit and knit while the kids play to their hearts content. I worry that it’ll never happen… it I have to live here forever, a little part of me will die…
Gawd, what a miserable post, huh? Well, perhaps I’ll come up with something cheerier tomorrow. I certainly hope so.
